6 Myths About Spiritual Abuse

As movements like #exvangelical and deconstruction have brought spiritual abuse into public conversation, several misconceptions have emerged. These myths are often propagated by abusive systems themselves to discredit survivors of abuse, but are also shared sentiments among religious people who don’t have an understanding of the deep psychological harm that a spiritually abuse system or leader can be. In order to help demystify conversations around spiritual abuse, here are 6 myths I often hear as a licensed therapist that works with people who have experienced spiritual abuse.

Myth 1: “People claiming abuse are just too sensitive”

The Truth: This dismissal ignores the documented psychological harm of spiritual abuse and conflates legitimate hurt with oversensitivity. It’s the same logic abusers in any context use to avoid accountability.

Myth 2: “They just didn’t like being told their behavior was sinful”

The Truth: This misconception assumes all claims of spiritual abuse stem from resistance to moral teaching. In reality, spiritual abuse often has nothing to do with legitimate moral correction and everything to do with control, exploitation, or the protection of institutional power. Moreover, even when addressing genuine wrongdoing, there are healthy and abusive ways to do so. The manner matters as much as the message.

Myth 3: “If the teaching is biblical, it can’t be abusive”

The Truth: The Bible, like any sacred text, can be wielded as a weapon. Abusers throughout history have found scriptural justification for slavery, domestic violence, and countless other harms. The presence of a Bible verse doesn’t sanctify abuse.

Myth 4: “Spiritual abuse only happens in cults”

The Truth: While cults represent an extreme form, spiritual abuse occurs across the religious spectrum—in mainline Protestant churches, Catholic parishes, evangelical megachurches, and small community congregations. The denominational label matters far less than the dynamics of power and control.

Myth 5: “Healthy churches don’t need to worry about this”

The Truth: Every religious community, regardless of how healthy it appears, needs robust systems for preventing and addressing abuse. The assumption that “it couldn’t happen here” is precisely what allows abuse to flourish undetected.

Myth 6: “Those who leave the church are ‘backsliding’ in their faith”

The Truth: The demonization of those who leave abusive churches—characterizing them as rebellious, backslidden, or deceived—reinforces the “us versus them” mentality prevalent in high-control environments. It serves the interests of abusive systems by making departure spiritually dangerous and socially costly, thereby trapping victims in harmful situations. While there are appropriate ways to address wrongdoing in religious communities, weaponizing someone’s departure to discredit their testimony is itself a form of spiritual abuse.